Name: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie

The golden nuggets

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

Criticism puts people on defense and makes them justify themselves; it never changes anyone. Understanding and self-control do what blame never can.

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Carnegie calls it the big secret of dealing with people. Everyone hungers to feel important - specific, sincere appreciation feeds that hunger; cheap flattery insults it.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.

People do what THEY want, not what you want. Frame your idea as the answer to what they already desire - bait must suit the fish, not the fisherman.

Become genuinely interested in other people.

You can make more friends in two months by being interested in others than in two years of trying to get others interested in you. It cannot be faked - people can tell.

A person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language - to that person.

Remember names and use them. It quietly tells people they matter to you, and almost nobody else bothers to do it.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Let the other person do most of the talking and truly listen. People will call you a great conversationalist for saying almost nothing.

Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature, and nearly every rule in this book is this one in disguise. Faked, it fails at once.

You can't win an argument. The only way to get the best of one is to avoid it.

Even a 'won' argument leaves the other person convinced and resentful. And never flatly say 'you're wrong' - it wounds pride and hardens them against you.

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Blaming yourself first takes the fight out of the other person. It melts anger and leaves them almost nothing to attack.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Nobody loves being sold or told. Start by honestly seeing things from their point of view, plant the seed, and they will fight for the idea as their own.

To change people without resentment: begin with praise, ask questions instead of giving orders, and give them a fine reputation to live up to.

Praise opens ears, suggestions let pride survive, and people work hard to live up to the good name you have given them. Call out faults indirectly and let them save face.

You’re halfway there

The rest of this summary — and the one thing to do this week — is in the PDF.

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The book, in short

Dale Carnegie built this book out of his public speaking and people-skills courses, and filled it with stories of leaders like Abraham Lincoln and Charles Schwab - the first man paid a million dollars a year in steel, Schwab said and Carnegie agreed, mainly for his ability to deal with people. Under every story sits one hidden engine: the deep human craving to feel important.

Part one gives three fundamental techniques for handling people: do not criticize, condemn, or complain; give honest and sincere appreciation; and arouse in the other person an eager want. Part two gives six ways to make people like you - become genuinely interested in them, smile, remember their names, be a good listener, talk in terms of their interests, and make them feel important, sincerely.